If you thought Heinz ketchup was slow, you really should take a look at the Barking Moonbat. Their tagline says “Your brain is the part of your body that allows you to know things. So if your brain is broken then you have no way of knowing it is broken. Therefore, you are a Barking Moonbat: a blind, flying rat howling at the light in the sky.” The next part of their tagline — or should we say “tagparagraph” — says that their job is to assist with repairing your brain.

Just remember, there’s a reason the site is called “Barking Moonbat.”

And a perfect example of this is their gleefulness over the idea that Heinz, the company, has not contributed a penny to John Kerry (who keeps criticizing companies, like Heinz, that send American jobs overseas so they won’t have to pay Americans a living wage) and yet has donated thousands to Republicans who make the offshoring possible.

The story to which it is linked notes that the Bush campaign is, apparently somewhat effectively, using the Heinz company just as effectively as Heinz uses offshoring (70 percent of Heinz jobs are overseas). On the one hand, the Republicans are happy to take Heinz’ money. On the other hand, they keep trying to drag Kerry’s name through the mud by drawing attention to his association to Heinz.

There’s nothing barking-moonbatty about that, is there? Bush actually takes money from the offshoring Heinz company to run for re-election. Kerry is married to a woman who was once married to a man who — whoops! — never worked for Heinz. In fact, no Heinz has worked for the Heinz Co. since 1987. Who has the tighter connection to Heinz, the company?

Heinz-Kerry does own Heinz stock. And I’ve been buying SBC, Cisco and other stocks for years as part of my effort to build my retirement portfolio. But I’ll wager that Heinz-Kerry has as much impact on Heinz Co. management as I have on the management of those companies of which I own part, which is to say, “Zilch.” Half the time I can’t even talk to an SBC technician about making sure they’re doing backup DNS for my $85/month business-level DSL line.

Perhaps the barking wombats are saying that Heinz-Kerry should sell all her Heinz stock because of their offshoring, instead of only the three-quarters she sold in 2002? Maybe she’s supposed to give away all the millions she inherited because Heinz outsources jobs? (And what if all that money was actually earned by those from whom she inherited before Heinz started offshoring?) If your husband argues (rightly, in my opinion) that offshoring American jobs is wrong, the two of you are supposed to be homeless? Because if you have to sell all stock you own in big American companies that offshore jobs, it’s going to be difficult to own stock in America and fight for what’s right at the same time. That’s exactly one of the things that makes it such a big problem.

Earth to Moonbat…come in! Time to read The Unspun Zone™ for awhile. Hundreds (over 300 now) of posts to help you fix your brain!