Well, I’ve been looking around at the Internet again for those funny little things “about me.” Turns out that I although, according to Tickle, I have an IQ of 136, the iVillage Chinese Astrology area says I’m my Chinese element is “Earth” and I was born in the Year of the Dog — so, it’s official, I’m a Dog.

The Earth element thing strikes me as off. I mean, here’s the description:

Those of you born under the influence of the Chinese Astrology Element of Earth are wise, serene and prudent, firmly rooted in your morals, ethics and responsibilities. Led by logic rather than emotion, you seek to plan your life as far out in advance as possible, to expect the unexpected and control your destiny down to the last detail. Your disciplined reserve — which can come across as true grace if you work it right — garners you respect and admiration.

You’re so bound by logic and dependent upon controlling your situation that you have a fear of the unknown. Consequently, you question your instincts, distrusting even your most cherished dreams and seeing your whims as frivolous distractions. Don’t be a stick in the mud, Earth Signs; share your wisdom and your peace of mind with a needy world.

Disciplined Earth Signs are willing to work hard for what they want.

This just doesn’t seem right. I’m one of the last people on Earth about whom you could say that “you…control your destiny down to the last detail.” A lot of the other parts ring true, but, then, don’t those things really ring true for just about anyone?

The Dog part is a little closer to right on and not just because of my Janet Jackson post.

In the West, the Dog is man’s best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It’s generally quite trustworthy itself — except for the occasional “little white lies” the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog’s mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don’t go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog’s narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign’s load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog’s discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another’s motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they’ll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.

Although my wife — also an earthen dog — might howl a little over that last sentence….