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The Wedding Feast

Posted by Rick · January 22nd, 2005 · 1 Comment

I though it was time for a little humor. My father sent this to me. To understand it, though, you’ll probably have to know a little bit about Jewish law and food.

There was this family of Schmohawk Indians sitting around the shtetl one night. The papa, Geronowitz, the mama, Pocayenta, and the beautiful young daughter, Minihorowitz.

“So, nu,” says the daughter, “you’ll never believe.”

“What?” says the mama.

“Today, at high noon, I received a proposal for marriage.” answered Minihorowitz.

“Yes?” says Pocayenta, “What did you say?”

“I said ‘yes.'”

“You said ‘Yes’?” asked mama.

“I said ‘yes.'”

“That’s wonderful,” says mama. “She said ‘Yes’. Did you hear that Geronowitz? Our little Minihorowitz is getting married!”

“I heard,” says papa. “I’m kvelling. So who’s the lucky boy? Is it Sittin’ Bialy?”

“Sittin’ Bialy?” says mama, “of the SoSiouxMe Tribe?”

“That’s the one,” says Minihorowitz.

“Oy, Geronowitz! The SoSiouxMes! There are so many of them! How will we be able to feed them? How can we get them all in our teepee for the wedding?” exclaimed Pocayenta.

“We’ll think of something,” says papa.

“Geronowitz! Get me a buffalo!”

“What, at this hour?”

“No, you can do it tomorrow. It’s for the wedding. I can make buffalo tzimmes from the meat, and we can make an extra teepee from the hide. So, get me a nice buffalo,” mama exclaimed.

So Geronowitz goes out to hunt a buffalo. A day goes by, then night and Geronowitz has not come back. Two days later he comes home, staggering and exhausted, but empty-handed.

“Geronowitz! I’ve been worried sick. Where have you been? And where’s my buffalo?” said Pocayenta.

“It’s like this,” he says, “On my first day out, I hunted high and low until I finally found a buffalo. But this buffalo, he made Mickey Rooney look strong. It was a tiny, scrawny buffalo with no meat on his bones for buffalo tzimmes, and barely enough hide for a rain hat. So I settled in for the night to try again the next day.”

“The second day,” continued Geronowitz, “I went one way and then another way until I finally found a big buffalo with lots of meat and lots of hide. But, I tell you, Pocayenta, this was the ugliest buffalo I ever saw in my life.

I thought to myself, ‘This is not the buffalo for MY daughter’s wedding’.”

“So, again I settled in for the night to try again the third day. I got up early went up the hills, down the hills until I finally found a buffalo. It was a big buffalo. As buffalos go, it was a beautiful buffalo. I said to myself, ‘this is the buffalo Pocayenta wants for Minihorowitz’s wedding’.”

“So I reach into my backpack quietly for my tomahawk, as I tip-toe over to the buffalo. I raise my tomahawk slowly over the buffalo’s neck, when suddenly like a bolt of lightning from the sky, I see it.” “See what?” says Pocayenta, who by now is impatient with Geronowitz’ long tale.

“I’d brought the dairy tomahawk!”

Categories: Humor


1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Kate S. // Feb 4, 2005 at 3:35 pm

    Hahahahaha!!!! I get it! That’s funny! I don’t know too much about kosher, but I’m pretty sure he needed a meat tomahawk, right?

    I loved this! I love jokes, but especially ones that contain authentic cultural dialogue transposed over different cultures.
    “I’m kvelling.” LOL! Lolololol….
    Thank you so much for this. I needed a good belly laugh. It’s too frickin’ cold outside. And it’s starting to get on my nerves.

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