So with that — and since I’ve been tagged by blogger extraordinaire and friend Joni Mueller of Joniverse — I proceed to give you this Holiday Season, the 48 Things YOU Could Care Less About….

1. FIRST NAME? Rick

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. Richard Burge of (last I knew) Elgin, Illinois, who was my father’s best friend. I vaguely recall knowing him as “Uncle Richard.”

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I believe it was somewhat recently, over an incredibly stressful incident I prefer to forget.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not as much as I used to. I used to be told that I have “very beautiful” handwriting, but over the years it has deteriorated as I spend more time with computers, typing.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Like my friend, Joni, I love liverwurst. However, if I eat it too much/too often, I start to like it less. This isn’t true of everything I like — I could eat pizza and cheeseburgers every day of my life and still love them. A lunch meat that I probably could eat every day without getting tired of it, though, is cotto salami; you know, the kind with the little cut pieces of pepper in it.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I believe that if I were not friends with me, I would be missing something. I’m hard to get to know, though, and most people won’t make the effort. If I were not me, I don’t know if I would make that effort, or not.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? The blog counts, but I also have a much more personal journal that I usually handwrite. (I sometimes use TheJournal, version 4, by DavidRM Software.)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes. I didn’t have to give them up for ice cream. My brother, without my charm, was not so lucky.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I think so. Sometimes I really want to, but I’ve never gone out of my way to try to find a place to do it. On the other hand, I’d really like to try skydiving.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I don’t really eat cereal. I will occasionally eat oatmeal and prefer maple & brown sugar from Quaker Oats. As a kid, I loved sugary cereals like Cocoa Puffs, Cap’n Crunch (mostly the plan, but sometimes the one with the berries — I think they were called “gooseberries”) and I also liked Lucky Charms, but mostly for the charms.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes, almost always.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not more than average, in terms of physical strength. In terms of emotional fortitude, I think I’m stronger than normal.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I love ice cream. And find that different occasions call for different types. For example, French vanilla to work (and it has to be real French vanilla, not “sorta kinda French vanilla”) goes well with one shot of Kahlua and one shot of vodka in a blender to make a milkshake called a “Polar Bear.” But normally I prefer chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks in it. Rocky Road was a favorite for a long time. Heck, if you’re going to eat chocolate, you might as well blow out your calorimeter.

14. SHOE SIZE? 10.5 usually. I think my feet might be growing and sometimes I need an 11. Either that, or shoe sizes are shrinking.

15. RED OR PINK? Yes.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My Procrastination Superpower.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Hmmm…my first wife, Yvonne Adams. But only because I want to apologize for being such an immature shithead when we were married and I hope that everything has turned out well for her in life in spite of having met and married me before I grew up.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I agree with Joni: public humiliation is always best. Blog! Blog! Blog! <background grunts and hoots>

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Uh…I just got up awhile ago. I’m only wearing a bathrobe. No peaking, Joya!

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? That was last night. I think it was mashed potatoes. (I mean, i actually had a very nice dinner, but I think the actual last thing I ate was the mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes and went back for more.)

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My wife getting ready in the next room, because I know that means any minute now she’ll be prodding me to hurry.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Wow. Interesting question. A nice grey or some interesting shade of brown, like that of fine bronze Mexican skin.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Clean hair. And although I rarely drink it these days (stomach), I agree with Joni that coffee is a great smell. For some reason, I also like the faint smell of bus exhaust. I have no idea why.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Steve Matthews, web and SEO consultant for lawyers. As someone else noted, “Steve just gets it.”

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? The first thing? Dude, I’m a dude. But, seriously, there’s no one thing. Sometimes it’s hair. Sometimes it’s another physical attribute. Over time, I enjoy someone witty, intellectual, and willing to be a little different.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU STOLE THIS from? Yep. Absolutely. In a short time, she’s become a great friend. And we haven’t even met yet!

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Whoa! I just recently tried Joni’s choice of Cherry Diet Pepsi and it was pretty darned good. (Carole, who works with me in my office, accidentally bought it instead of regular Diet Pepsi, which I usually drink.) My favorite drink-drink is a Black Russian. I’ve always been attracted to the darker colors.

28. FAVORITE SPORT? Sportficken. I was introduced to the sport by my first wife; introduced to the term by a friend from Germany.

29. EYE COLOR? Blue. Some have described the color as “piercing blue.”

30. HAT SIZE? Don’t know. I virtually never wear a hat except as a joke.

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I have to go with the same answer as Joni for now. However, I have worn contacts off and on for many years. I’d love to get my eyes fixed with that laser surgery, but a) I don’t trust it yet and b) I might be too old.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? Pizza, cheeseburgers, Nacho Cheese Doritos.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Neither. I like science-fiction/time-travel movies and want the ending to be interesting, whatever that may mean.

34. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO TO WASTE TIME? Twitter. Surfing to the end of the Internet. Blog about 48 things you could care less about.

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Spring. Hey, I’m not going to be limited by you!

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses. All kinds.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate cream pies or chocolate torts.

38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Ain’t emailing and ain’t tagging, since the people I know with “personal” blogs who might put this up already tagged me. Oh, I mean “person.”

39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Pretty much the entire universe — although it was the Joniverse that sent this to me.

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Several. I’m reading about Immigration law for criminal defense attorneys; I’m reading a science-fiction book called The Reality Dysfunction, which I just started and consumes 2,330 pages in my Sony Reader (glad I don’t have to carry the real book around!); I’m reading a book on writing beginnings for stories and novels that will hook people (the book is called “Hooked”); and some books on writing.

41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? What mouse pad? I use a Wacom tablet. There’s nothing on it while I type, but when there’s something on it, it’s the tip of a Wacom pen.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Something Tivo’d. Something forgettable. I forgot.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Soft moans.

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Was never much of a fan of either.

45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Olongapo, Subic Bay, the Philippines.

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Look, this is a G-rated blog, pal. Seriously, though? I’m fairly good at learning (and then forgetting) languages. I’m apparently very good at thinking on my feet (which is good, because I spend a lot of time on my feet).

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Wilmington, Delaware.

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? It came from the primordial Joniverse.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I am surprised over the personal responsibility revelation — and I don’t believe it. I’m curious, but probably will never know, how that was derived. Was it because I answered “true” to the question that some people have less luck than others? That seems to me unassailable. While people have a large share in determining their own destiny, if the question is “True or False: Some people have less luck than others” the fact is that the answer to that question is undeniably true. I mean, let’s get real. What’s the antonymous position? Seems to me it could only be “everyone has exactly the same amount of luck” and that’s just patently absurd by definition.

Oh well…no one ever said the quiz was scientific. To the extent that any of these quizzes ever hits the nail on the head, it’s pure luck.

I am: 2% Republican.

“You’re a complete liberal, utterly without a trace of Republicanism. Your strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure. (You hope.)”

It’s interesting, though, to learn that what makes me a liberal and only 2% Republican is saying these things….

A woman’s place is…in the House. And the Senate.

Daggone wimmen’s libber! What’s wrong with me? Given that some of the other options were “at my feet, screaming for mercy” and “in a House, such as Madame Kitty’s Home for Wayward Girls (gentlemen visitors welcome),” I thought I did pretty good.

Taxes: The rich should contribute more because it hurts them less.

I didn’t choose “Stamp out the rich!” nor it’s opposite “The rich should be exempt, and the poor should be shot!” And I’m sorry, folks, but what’s wrong with the rich contributing more to help build our roads that suffer damage from their heavy SUVs and limousines? What’s wrong even if they contribute to social programs (gasp!) and lose some interest because they only have a few million instead of a few million plus $500,000 if it keeps someone at the lower end of the scale from starving, or allows more people an education? Are the rich really more valuable, so that it’s okay to let the poor die just so the rich can see larger numbers on their bank statements? Do you really think they “earned” it just because they managed to charge you $3/gallon for gasoline and you paid it because you had no choice?

The Bush family is…the most successful crime family in history.

Well, that one I couldn’t help. It’s just flat-out true.

Hitler…the ultimate Republican.

This one was a mess. I mean, frankly, it doesn’t really belong in there. But “brilliant but sadly deranged leader,” which would have been my next option, was just too namby-pamby. Besides, I don’t think Hitler was “brilliant” just because he was able to con people who already hated Jews into taking the extra step of killing them. And there are similarities between the early years of Hitler and the current years of Bush. Let’s just hope that’s as far as it ever goes.

Social Security is…the trojan horse which Congress has used to impose an ever more regressive overall tax rate.

I was going to pick “very reassuring to have around,” but then I realized that a lot of people may actually not know how the Republicans have been using Social Security as a distraction. They might even get the President’s non-plan plan to pass, but I think even they know otherwise. (I mean — come on! — although he was pushing his “plan” and even though his own website had a page saying “His fiscally-responsible plan calls for reforms that would keep Social Security’s promises…” he says “I don’t have a plan”?)

Israelis vs. Palestinians. Holy crap, what do we do? …

Uh…only one answer made any sense at all: “Calm everybody down, help mediate negotiations, and keep the oil flowing smoothly.” Even that wasn’t so hot since it required me to agree that the real goal is to “keep the oil flowing smoothly” instead of promoting a lasting peace.

Is the media biased?

I was sooooooo tempted to go with “That’s ‘Are the media biased’, you ungrammatical buffoon.” Instead, I wimped out and settled for the truth: “Blatantly. The spread of ‘fair and balanced’ Faux News-ism is turning the whole broadcast industry into an extention of talk radio hate propaganda.”

Global warming, pollution, endangered species… What do we do for our poor planet?

Now, I could have been a total left-wing fruitcake here, huh? I could have said, “Go solar!” But, nooooooo, I took the sane route and suggest that we target the real problem: “Bring corporate privilege and corruption under control; hold people accountable for harm they do to the environment.” I guess that’s what makes me 98% not-Republican, eh?

Lastly, Ronald Reagan was…a senile puppet.

Now this one was rigged. I mean, really, none of the other choices made sense at all. I didn’t actually hate Reagan, although in retrospect I see how he was the start of the slide that has ruined the country. (Well, actually, Nixon was, but he was handled. Uh…differently than Reagan and Bush, who have official handlers.) But seriously, “a visionary leader who left an indelible stamp on history”? “[T]he hero who saved the world”? I don’t think so. With choices like that, I had nowhere to go but “senile puppet.”

I guess that shouldn’t really bother me so much. Given what’s happened to the Republican Party — of which, long ago, I was a registered member — the only real question here is: “How the hell do I get rid of that extra 2%?”

I was not the least bit surprised to discover that I’m an unrepentent, lustful heretic, but I was surprised to see that I’ve been adjudged violent and either fraudulent, malicious or a panderer. Hmmm….

Reminds me of the scale at my doctor’s office which one week pegged my weight 10 lbs lower than the week before and the following week pegged me two lbs higher than the first week. I’m just not sure I trust it.

No time to blog today — the Library beckons — so I’ll just YAQ at you . . .

Really.

Special thanks to Malnurtured Snay who, ironically, is also a 5.
Even if he did set the post so it doesn’t allow trackbacks.