So with that — and since I’ve been tagged by blogger extraordinaire and friend Joni Mueller of Joniverse — I proceed to give you this Holiday Season, the 48 Things YOU Could Care Less About….

1. FIRST NAME? Rick

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. Richard Burge of (last I knew) Elgin, Illinois, who was my father’s best friend. I vaguely recall knowing him as “Uncle Richard.”

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I believe it was somewhat recently, over an incredibly stressful incident I prefer to forget.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not as much as I used to. I used to be told that I have “very beautiful” handwriting, but over the years it has deteriorated as I spend more time with computers, typing.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Like my friend, Joni, I love liverwurst. However, if I eat it too much/too often, I start to like it less. This isn’t true of everything I like — I could eat pizza and cheeseburgers every day of my life and still love them. A lunch meat that I probably could eat every day without getting tired of it, though, is cotto salami; you know, the kind with the little cut pieces of pepper in it.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I believe that if I were not friends with me, I would be missing something. I’m hard to get to know, though, and most people won’t make the effort. If I were not me, I don’t know if I would make that effort, or not.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? The blog counts, but I also have a much more personal journal that I usually handwrite. (I sometimes use TheJournal, version 4, by DavidRM Software.)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes. I didn’t have to give them up for ice cream. My brother, without my charm, was not so lucky.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? I think so. Sometimes I really want to, but I’ve never gone out of my way to try to find a place to do it. On the other hand, I’d really like to try skydiving.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I don’t really eat cereal. I will occasionally eat oatmeal and prefer maple & brown sugar from Quaker Oats. As a kid, I loved sugary cereals like Cocoa Puffs, Cap’n Crunch (mostly the plan, but sometimes the one with the berries — I think they were called “gooseberries”) and I also liked Lucky Charms, but mostly for the charms.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes, almost always.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Not more than average, in terms of physical strength. In terms of emotional fortitude, I think I’m stronger than normal.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I love ice cream. And find that different occasions call for different types. For example, French vanilla to work (and it has to be real French vanilla, not “sorta kinda French vanilla”) goes well with one shot of Kahlua and one shot of vodka in a blender to make a milkshake called a “Polar Bear.” But normally I prefer chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks in it. Rocky Road was a favorite for a long time. Heck, if you’re going to eat chocolate, you might as well blow out your calorimeter.

14. SHOE SIZE? 10.5 usually. I think my feet might be growing and sometimes I need an 11. Either that, or shoe sizes are shrinking.

15. RED OR PINK? Yes.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My Procrastination Superpower.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Hmmm…my first wife, Yvonne Adams. But only because I want to apologize for being such an immature shithead when we were married and I hope that everything has turned out well for her in life in spite of having met and married me before I grew up.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I agree with Joni: public humiliation is always best. Blog! Blog! Blog! <background grunts and hoots>

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Uh…I just got up awhile ago. I’m only wearing a bathrobe. No peaking, Joya!

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? That was last night. I think it was mashed potatoes. (I mean, i actually had a very nice dinner, but I think the actual last thing I ate was the mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes and went back for more.)

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My wife getting ready in the next room, because I know that means any minute now she’ll be prodding me to hurry.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Wow. Interesting question. A nice grey or some interesting shade of brown, like that of fine bronze Mexican skin.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Clean hair. And although I rarely drink it these days (stomach), I agree with Joni that coffee is a great smell. For some reason, I also like the faint smell of bus exhaust. I have no idea why.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Steve Matthews, web and SEO consultant for lawyers. As someone else noted, “Steve just gets it.”

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? The first thing? Dude, I’m a dude. But, seriously, there’s no one thing. Sometimes it’s hair. Sometimes it’s another physical attribute. Over time, I enjoy someone witty, intellectual, and willing to be a little different.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU STOLE THIS from? Yep. Absolutely. In a short time, she’s become a great friend. And we haven’t even met yet!

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Whoa! I just recently tried Joni’s choice of Cherry Diet Pepsi and it was pretty darned good. (Carole, who works with me in my office, accidentally bought it instead of regular Diet Pepsi, which I usually drink.) My favorite drink-drink is a Black Russian. I’ve always been attracted to the darker colors.

28. FAVORITE SPORT? Sportficken. I was introduced to the sport by my first wife; introduced to the term by a friend from Germany.

29. EYE COLOR? Blue. Some have described the color as “piercing blue.”

30. HAT SIZE? Don’t know. I virtually never wear a hat except as a joke.

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? I have to go with the same answer as Joni for now. However, I have worn contacts off and on for many years. I’d love to get my eyes fixed with that laser surgery, but a) I don’t trust it yet and b) I might be too old.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? Pizza, cheeseburgers, Nacho Cheese Doritos.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Neither. I like science-fiction/time-travel movies and want the ending to be interesting, whatever that may mean.

34. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO DO TO WASTE TIME? Twitter. Surfing to the end of the Internet. Blog about 48 things you could care less about.

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Spring. Hey, I’m not going to be limited by you!

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses. All kinds.

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate cream pies or chocolate torts.

38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Ain’t emailing and ain’t tagging, since the people I know with “personal” blogs who might put this up already tagged me. Oh, I mean “person.”

39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Pretty much the entire universe — although it was the Joniverse that sent this to me.

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Several. I’m reading about Immigration law for criminal defense attorneys; I’m reading a science-fiction book called The Reality Dysfunction, which I just started and consumes 2,330 pages in my Sony Reader (glad I don’t have to carry the real book around!); I’m reading a book on writing beginnings for stories and novels that will hook people (the book is called “Hooked”); and some books on writing.

41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? What mouse pad? I use a Wacom tablet. There’s nothing on it while I type, but when there’s something on it, it’s the tip of a Wacom pen.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Something Tivo’d. Something forgettable. I forgot.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Soft moans.

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Was never much of a fan of either.

45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Olongapo, Subic Bay, the Philippines.

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Look, this is a G-rated blog, pal. Seriously, though? I’m fairly good at learning (and then forgetting) languages. I’m apparently very good at thinking on my feet (which is good, because I spend a lot of time on my feet).

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Wilmington, Delaware.

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? It came from the primordial Joniverse.

Incident Number One:

Yang, the bronze medalist, was wrongly docked a tenth of a point on his parallel bars routine. If he had received the proper score, he would have won gold and Hamm would have won silver. “U.S. Gymnast Asked To Return Gold,” CBS News Online, August 29, 2004.

Incident Number Two:

Three miles from the finish, the marathon leader was grabbed by a defrocked priest wearing a red kilt, green beret and matching knee-high socks. An American won a medal — something that hadn’t happened in 28 years. “Bizarre Attack Mars Marathon,” CBS News Online, August 29, 2004.

Perhaps nothing more than that Americans can get by with a little help from our friends?

For 10 minutes, the crowd booed and whistled, creating a deafening roar. American Paul Hamm, the all-around champion, was forced to sit around and wait, unable to start his routine because of the noise. “Olympic Gymnastics Judges Booed,” CBS News Online, August 29, 2004.

Hmmmm . . . maybe not. But now I don’t feel so badly that this was the first year in my life that I didn’t watch at least part of the Olympics.

I suppose I could use Google to find out…

…but I don’t really want to know.

I just wanted to point you to the article!

I was going to file this under “Humor”, but that seemed a little crass; so it’s filed under “Miscellany” instead. I suppose I could create a new category: “Bird Photos.”

As my wife would say, “Poor birdie!”

The outline of the bird appears to have been made by dust or dirt from its body and wings. Note the large white splotch near the bottom of the body. You might say the window surprised the — well, you get the picture — out of this pigeon.

From an otherwise rambling and only intermittently interesting law review article (Bailey, “Legal Education: The Illusion of Truth,” 25 Legal Stud. Forum 365, 371), comes this:

I can’t change one moment of the past. I can only savor the sweet memories, and bear the bitter ones. Moments of time are not recyclable. Once spent; they’re gone for good. This breeds caution in my daily dealings with family and friends. I try to speak my mind without harming cherished relationships, because one never knows when we will spend our last moment together. As Poe said, “Years of love have been forgot in the hatred of a minute.”

Remember this. Don’t dwell on your mid-terms; you’ll get another chance. Don’t forget about your families; you may not get another chance.

From another great source of relaxation and deep philosophy:

G-d Bless Us, Everyone!

Happy Holidays!

I’m considering setting things up with a company a friend uses, which will require people to “pre-qualify” before they can send you email and you get an opportunity to permanently reject them first.

The only such product I’m aware of at the moment is SpamArrest, which charges a fee of $20 every six months (about $3.33 per month).

In the end, that may be well worth it. This past three weeks, I’ve gotten up to 400 (yes, that’s what I said, four hundred) spam messages per day on my primary email box. Of course, I’ve had the same address for about 11 or so years now. So there’s been plenty of time for that address to be sold over and over and over.

Which is why that particular address no longer exists.

Now, think about it folks….

Even if AOL, Intel, Microsoft or some other company actually wanted to “beta test” their email system, by the time they were ready to deploy it, they’d be too broke. The bankruptcy court would never let them distribute it. If there were any monies left, they’d go to their creditors (including the people who sued because they were at the tail end of this pyramid scheme). Do you not think there are other, cheaper ways to test such things (like laboratories, for example)?

Consider this excerpt from one version of this letter:

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $203.15. For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $156.29. And for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $17.65. “AOL and Intel Hoax,” Symantec: Security Response.

I’m no master mathematician, but even I can see that in just one or two days, with very little effort whatsoever, Microsoft could conceivably spend $200,000,000. Yes, two-hundred million. And that’s just taking the first number ($203.15) and multiplying it times one-million people who want to get rich quick. If anyone they forward it to mails it forward — even if just one out of every three are convinced — that’s another $52 million. Now, if they’re going to do this and track your email for two weeks, racking up the numbers of dollars to you, that’s a lot of potential damage to their bank reserves merely for a “beta test.”

Do you think, “Well, but one-million people wouldn’t do this!” I can almost prove you wrong on that count just by adding up the number of times I’ve received the hoax myself. But consider this: there are more than one-million people living in the area surrounding Fresno, California. There are about 35 million people living in California. There are nearly 300 — yes, three-hundred — million people living in the United States.

If you still think there’s a possibility this hoax is true, please contact me. I’ve several business propositions for you. I’ve tried attracting investors on some of them since I was 4 years old without luck.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Hi, all you animal lovers. This is pretty simple. Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals.? It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on “feed an animal in need” for free. This doesn’t cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising.? Here’s the website! Pass it along to people you know. AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS!!!

The Animal Rescue Site

Jean, incidentally, is the widow of the late “Doc” Paul S. Chaffee, about whom I’ll have more to say another day. “Doc” was my wife’s father. He unfortunately passed away in 1990, before I had an opportunity to meet and know him. Although Jean is not my wife’s mother, she’s nevertheless a wonderful person and continues to work with the Chaffee Zoological Gardens in Fresno, California, of which “Doc” was formerly the Director (and the Zoological Gardens were renamed in his honor by the City of Fresno before he died).

So click on over and help feed some hungry, lost and/or abandoned animals! (And I don’t mean me, thank you, I’ve had quite enough to eat already!)

So I’m jsut out borwsnig the Itnreent & ran arscros tihs wihch I fnoud smeowaht spruirsnig.